Monday, June 25, 2012

Loving my body

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see much beauty there. I've spent my whole life that way. There are a few times in my life--so few that I can count them on one hand--that I have liked the way my reflection looks.
The world has told me that I am soft where I should be sculpted and round where I should be flat and too big where I should be small. And I listened to the world. I listened when the world told me that I was ugly. And to comfort myself from the hurt feelings that those words produced, I just did more harm to my body with food.

This body of mine, that I loathe most days, has created, carried, and birthed two of the most beautiful girls I have ever laid eyes on. I know I am a bit biased...but you have to admit they are pretty adorable.
And they must..they need to know they are beautiful. They need to know that it isn't about what size clothes they wear or if they have frizzy hair or what body shape they have.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. - Ephesians 2:10

I struggle in so many ways as a parent. To learn how to teach my children to love God, watch how I speak so that they also speak in kindness, curb my anger so that they will not react in anger but in love...I could go on and on. But today I watch my girls as they watch me. As Kara mimics every word I say and every action I do. When I am frustrated with her tantrams I can see that she is expressing her frustration how I do--with anger.

And I don't want that. And more than anything I want her opinion of beauty to be different. I want her to look at herself, her body, her mind, her attitude and see that what God has created is beautiful.

Is precious.

Is good.

Is God's masterpiece. 

I will not put myself down in front of my girls anymore. Today I will learn to love my body. And when you love something you don't talk down to it or say bad things about it or treat it badly. Yes, I love this belly that carried two healthy baby girls to term, these arms that rock them to sleep, my eyes that watch them growing up so fast, this crazy hair that she is starting to get.

I have been on a journey over the last two years to become more healthy. I was motivated by some health issues that stemmed from an inactive lifestyle and unhealthy diet. I initially started so I would lose weight. But I'm learning that weight I need to lose is the weight of sin. Over-indulgence of the flesh. And what I can gain from that loss is a more rich life, not fulfilled by food but fulfilled by Christ.

I'm not perfect and I fall backwards ALL. THE. TIME.

But today I will succeed. And tomorrow, who knows. But I stand on the grace of God and his promises that he will always have my back.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience - Colossians 3:12

You are holy and beloved.

Be cloaked in compassion, kindness, humility, meekness (being gentle) and patience.

Now, how beautiful would that make you???


Friday, June 15, 2012

Sophie: 5 Months

 My sweet little green pea,

Tomorrow you turn 5 months.Where did those 5 months go? Last year at this time I was contemplating an overdose of Zofran and wondering when and if I would ever NOT feel nauseated. But I knew it was all worth it.
Boy, did I ever underestimate how worth it.

Seriously kiddo, you are the cutest thing since Kara. You bring such joy to my days. I cherish all the time we get to spend together rocking and playing and having you just be a babe.
You started eating "real" food last week. Yum Yum. You love it. Daddy even wondered if your sitter secretly started feeding you early because you mastered eating from a spoon in like 3 days. And you cry because we are just not fast enough. You don't even do that really frustrating "I'm gonna stick my tongue out as soon as you put the food in" thing. It's great.

 You are happy and you giggle a little more now. And you love to roll side to side. Over and over. So much so that I can't leave you on the bed anymore, and I can't really leave you anywhere without a pile of pillows all around you so you don't roll into a wall or onto a hard surface and crack your head.

And Kara still loves you to pieces. She left you with me to go with Grammy today and she only said goodbye to "Sop-sie". Not Mommy, you know, the woman that feeds her and clothes her, and lavishes all her energy on her..nope-only to her sweet baby sister. I'm sure she misses you much more than me. You guys are going to be buds..and probably gang up on me more than not. But I'm okay with that. I guess....

 Mommy and Daddy love you and are loving getting to see your little personality grow.
Happy Father's day to Daddy this weekend!

"Well Hi There!"

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Dirty Mess

For those of you who have said to me..."Your house is so clean, I don't know how you do it...."

I don't do it. In fact, I am usually running around the house when I know you are coming over to visit trying to make it look clean.
I'm not sure why I do that. To impress you? Really?

Well I decided to give everyone a little peak into what my house looks like before you come over. This was one afternoon when I was making dinner for a sweet friend who just had her third sweet baby.

But don't think this is just from making that dinner...notice a lunch box from the day before, cabinets open (because I CANNOT be bothered to close a cabinet while I'm cooking), and multiple bottles lined up by the sink. Oh, the kitchen looks like this at least once a day and sometimes just stays this way for a while.

The front door "drop off"---Diaper bag, shoes, box of diapers someone gave me, unpacked Walmart bags on the table. 

Todd fusses at me all the time because I make a terrible mess when I cook. And I don't clean up as I go. I just let him do it all. Because in our house, one person cooks, the other cleans up. But lately, Todd has been pulling more than his fair share (thanks, babe) an I have been making more messes.

And yes, those are pants there by the lettuce and tomato sauce.  Apparently the drop off zone migrated towards the island, as it normally does.

Don't judge me.
Just keepin' it real folks, keepin' it real.

Here's one of my favorite bloggers doing the same.
The Nester

Monday, June 11, 2012

June? Are you kidding?

When did it turn into June? Really? When did my sweet baby girl turn into an almost 5 month old?
Life is what happened. Somewhere between middle of the night feedings and hurry-from-work to pick up the girls it turned into Summer. And June. Almost the middle of June.

Kara finished her first year of preschool.
First day September 2010

Last day May 2011

Sophie turned 4 months old.

I mean really, these girls have changed so much. I can't even believe it.

First bite of green peas

Kara's friend Mason--she was crying on the last day of school because she was going to miss him.....

And talk about friends-my girls are the best of friends. Its so super sweet to watch Kara play and love Sophie and watch Sophie already idolize her big sister.

We have some silly days around here too...

Silly faces

"Kara, go get a hat on while you play in the pool to cover your face" And this is what she comes out with. Silly girl!

May came and went by super fast. And we have so many things planned for the summer, can't wait to share it with you!