Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Be born in me

Feeling a little sentimental today. I guess it's those darn hormones still kicking in! I have something really important I want to share but it may cause me to ramble a little bit so bear with me...

Let me just say that last week was H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E.  Monday started with me feeling a little under the weather and by Tuesday night the dreaded GI bug had hit me full force. I won't go into details but my husband is a pretty great guy if I do say so myself. He helped..a lot. Anyhow, I was sick and completely wore out. I sent Kara to see my parents for the day during the worst of it because they were leaving for FL for a month and because I just didn't think I could take care of her and Soph.
 Thursday and Friday I was pretty much on my own and I was exhausted. I was very impatient with Kara and several times we both ended up crying after I screamed at her and then her feelings were hurt.  I kept thinking to myself, "I just don't know if I can do this. I am not cut out for being a mother of two. I stink at it.....yada yada yada." Throwing a pity party for myself. I got through it, Todd swooped in every evening and the weekend and I was able to get some rest and get myself back to normal.

Yesterday was MUCH better with less gnashing of teeth with Kara and I actually had a pretty productive day.  So...during all that I kept thinking I had been crazy to have two kids and that God was pretty crazy for allowing it.  Today I heard a song called Be Born in Me by Francesca Battistelli. Beautiful song. 

Holy is He, Blessed am I.
Be Born in Me.
Trembling heart somehow I believe that you chose me.
I will hold you in the beginning, you will hold me in the end. 
Every moment in the middle make my heart your Bethleham
Be born in me.

All this time we've waited for the promise, all this time you've waited for my arms....
I am not brave, I'll never be.
The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I'm just a girl, nothing more.
I am willing, I am yours.

Okay...so this is technically a song from Mary's point of view. But these words really spoke to me.  God choose me to be the mother of these two beautiful girls. I prayed for both of them before they were born, to be pregnant, for God to bless me with children. God promised that he would fulfill our hearts desire and whatever we asked in His name. He fulfilled that promise and I have waited for these girls to be in my arms. And now they are and my joy is complete.

So my Mommy friends out there...don't be discouraged when you feel like this life is mundane or you feel inadequate or that you have failed. God chose you to be the mother of your children, He knows the mistakes we will make before we make them, but His grace covers them all.  Jesus, be born in me.

I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.  John 16:23-24

 And now onto some pictures of the cutest children on the planet.

One month pictures :)

Silly girl!
Snow day...a couple hours before the 4 inches or so that actually covered the ground


  1. Loved your post. I have been sick since Friday and I only have one child to take care of on top of being pregnant. I feel myself getting short with her and I hate that. It made me feel better to read this!

  2. So glad, we Mommies need to stick together and encourage each other when we can! It is such a hard role. And whatever you are feeling, you are not alone. But that is so hard to believe sometimes! I totally get it.

  3. Awesome post! Thanks for the reminder of what the "daily grind" is really all about! :o)

    1. It is a daily "grind" isn't it? Thanks for the comment!

  4. Hi Johanna...it's Amy from RU! I love your blog! I'm 35 weeks pregnant expecting our 2nd...Matt and I have a 5-year old daughter and this will be our first boy. I'm excited but NERVOUS, as I feel inadequate so often with even just one. I'll enjoy following your blog as we welcome our newest family member and I have moments (umm..days?) where I want to pull out my hair or start all over. Thanks, and God bless you and your family!

    1. Hey AMY! I am so glad you like the blog. It's fun to write.

      I was so so SO nervous about having two and I'm not saying that there aren't rough days and times...hence the post...but it is not as bad as I though. I have heard that 3 months gets tough because the infant wants to be entertained more. Right now she just kinda sits there :)
      But we can do it! Congrats on boy Duncan, I bet Matt is thrilled. Are you guys still in Roanoke? Email me sometime! johanna.derrenbacker@gmail.com